Hollywood made me resolute in my distaste for weddings. It seemed an extravagant ritual that involved clothes worn once, potentially excruciatingly long ceremonies, and drunken reveries with a huge ballroom with hundreds of strangers.
Happily, I was at a wedding that revealed what I now think should be the heart of a wedding: that two people want to celebrate how far they’ve already come together, while making a commitment to growing further. How does one celebrate and share one’s joy with those one loves? It just so happens society conveniently provided the ritual of a wedding, so that’s what they did.
That day was full of laughter – thankfully because not everything went perfectly smoothly – and many genuine smiles. The one above is a very genuine smile from a very silent and aloof uncle. I have only ever witnessed a handful of them, and also ever only spoken to him a handful of times, with a conversation that barely lasts a handful of words. However, he is the one who has always given me the most red packet money during New Years, given me actually affordable prices on my glasses, and unconditionally lent me a Hasselblad medium format when I asked back in Gr. 12. I think this would be one of his happy days, when he sees the niece whom he is closest to happily married to her new husband.
The other is my grandmother, who despite being forgetful in her old age, still remembers the rituals of a Chinese marriage, and is determined to be happy on the day of my cousin’s wedding. She often doesn’t know that I’ve repeated the same line five times already in the past minute, but she does know that she is forgetful and still has the tenacity to find some way to remember that special day: she asked for a photo – some evidence that will (happily) prove her wrong when she wakes up the next morning to argue with her sons and daughters about what my cousin is up to these days.
She’s too told to accurately track my past 10 years: I have been surprising her the past 5 years by suddenly growing taller than my mother. But her unwavering concern and delight at seeing my return every year has been a source of great joy for me. Even as she is forgetting parts of us, she is shedding light on how someone can approach age and how someone who was loving will be loved despite that – notions that we have many years before we forget.
A wedding is usually marked as a “new beginning”. However, when you see all the people gathered there to support the honoured couple, it is very much an acknowledgment of the past, and our relationships in the present. If it is allowed to be, a wedding can be a bonding experience: a once in a lifetime chance to see as many of the multiple facets of an individual’s life as possible. It is one of the few occasions where, if genuine, is an opportunity to be delighted in seeing two other people’s happiness – even if you know you have to catch a flight a 5am the next day for a flight home and will hate work the next two days.